Query Critique Day: Thirst

Time for some community feedback!

It’s that time again!!

Time for you all to help me out by critiquing a shiny, revised query that has been wrung through the Query Day wringer.

For June, we have our second lucky “winner”, Katharine Owens (a.k.a. The Insect Collector).

As always, be HELPFUL, be gentle, and leave your comments below.


Dear Agent that I have researched and found is a great match for me,

Sixteen-year-old Nile coasts through life in Camp Hope, the interim community built by the survivors of a massive climate shift. He’s almost finished with career training and head over heels for his girlfriend. Life is good.

His twin sister, Lena, however, has never fit in. But it’s not like there’s another option! The whole world is covered by drylands after the shift, so where the heck else can she try to make a life for herself?

Camp Hope is led by Triumvirate Enterprises, the only group with the resources to save humankind when global governments failed. After twenty long years, the Tri is one month away from launching a sustainable City that will offer security, hope for the future, and most importantly, water.

Then the twins’ upstanding-citizen-of-a-father is arrested under trumped-up charges. To save themselves from the same fate as their father, Nile and Lena must flee Camp with nothing more than backpacks and a coded note as a guide.

After fighting dehydration and death to cross the drylands, the twins find a renegade settlement. As they settle into their new lives, Nile discovers their father’s nearing execution date. He decides he must do whatever it takes to save him— even if it means returning to Camp.

Lena, who has finally found a place she fits in, refuses to join him—that is until she learns that the Tri’s plan was never about building a city for everyone. In reality, the lower castes will be slaughtered before the new City launches.

Now the twins must rescue their father and save their entire community from annihilation and they only have forty-eight hours do it.

THIRST is told in alternating points of view of Nile and Lena. This dystopian young adult novel may appeal to readers who enjoyed Scott Westerfeld’s UGLIES or Veronica Roth’s DIVERGENT, and is complete at 80,000 words.

I am querying you because [insert specific reason here].  This is a multiple submission. THIRST is a stand-alone novel with series potential.

Thank you for your time,



Let Katharine know what you think of her query letter in the comments, please!