Query Critique #1: Faking the Aurora Borealis

So, I decided to go ahead and throw my friend Yahong‘s query up for community feedback!  Please leave your thoughts in the comments (nothing snarky — it will be instantly deleted).  Spread the word so Yahong can get as much quality criticism as possibility!


Dear [agent]:

When a bizarre circular imprint appears in the fields of National Nepean Equestrian Park, the stable where thirteen-year-old Victoria and classmate Britney ride, Britney’s first impression is: it’s a crop circle. Victoria’s first impression: it’s not. But the label sticks, and her stable—the only place where she can horseback ride, her one joy—might have to shut down because of the bad PR. Immediately, Victoria sets to work proving the imprint didn’t originate from the galaxies.

After a while, Britney abruptly stops claiming the imprint’s a crop circle. When Victoria digs around to find out why, her investigations uncover further evidence that the imprints might be hoaxed. Now, if only she knew what to do about her findings without incriminating

Britney. Or her mother, who’s in court. But not for the hoaxing of the crop circles.


Complete at approximately 37,000 words, FAKING THE AURORA BOREALIS is a contemporary upper middle-grade novel suitable for ages 10 to 14.

I am a member of the Canadian Society of Children’s Authors, Illustrators & Performers. My work for children has been published in Teen Voices, Zamoof! and Skipping Stones. I am also a children’s book reviewer for CM: Canadian Review of Materials, Crow Toes Quarterly and Canadian Children’s Book News. I have four years of English riding experience.

Thank you for your time and attention.


Yahong Chi


Leave your comments below, and be sure to keep your eyes peeled for more queries!  Everyday for the next two weeks, I’ll be posting another query, and it’s up to YOU all to help each other.  Thanks, friends and fellow writers!!