Query Critique #10: Run, Delaney

Today’s query is our last, and it’s from a beginning writer — in other words, BE GENTLE.  While everyone has been offering amazing feedback, we can all come across harsh if we’re not careful.

So try to be helpful but sweet for this newbie — it’s her first attempt at querying!



Dear Agent,

<insert special comments for agent> As such, I believe you’ll enjoy my 50,000 word YA urban fantasy novel RUN, DELANEY. Delaney is a teen werewolf and mother, on the run from her pack and its leader Sable, who’s also the father of her child.

Deep in the woods of the Tyson County Forest, live three packs: the Solar, the Schulsia, and the Secchi. Delaney leads a content life as a Solar pack member until one fateful night when her home, the Solar Compound is attacked with fire by an unknown enemy. Enter Sable: a charismatic rogue bearing promises to protect the traumatized Solar. He wins the title of Pack Leader and forces Delaney to be his mate. She learns of his ties to the mysterious enemy, and her own bloodline connection to their schemes.

Scared and pregnant, Delaney runs away burdened with the knowledge of her people’s violent past, and of being a dead Pack Leader’s daughter. The city of Tyson provides a unique hiding place as she learns to assimilate with the human population. However, a struggle for regional dominance has broken out in the forest. As daughter to a Pack Leader, Delaney must comes to terms with that role in order to unite the packs before history repeats itself , and they are all left in ruins.

RUN, DELANEY is a standalone in a potential series and I think it will attract fans of Annette Curtis Klaus’ werewolf novel BLOOD AND CHOCOLATE or Maggie Stiefvater’s WOLVES OF MERCY series . I’m a Los Angeles student and a member of YALITCHAT.org, working on my next novel. The manuscript is available upon request.

Thank you for your time.


Leave your comments below!  This is the LAST day of queries, and it’s up to YOU all to help each other. Tomorrow I’ll have a recap of all the fail and WIN I’ve seen over the last two weeks.  Thank you for making these two weeks of query critiques such an amazing success, and I hope — really hope — it’s been as much fun and help for you as it has been for me!