Query Critique #6: The Elite

Today is Maggie‘s turn, so please leave your feedback in the comment section.  Remember: all snark will be destroyed!  Spread the word so Maggie can get tons of help (not that she needs it, of course)!


Dear Agent,

After two mysterious young men show up at her high school prom, 16-year-old Avery Hunter finds herself a half-willing kidnappee on a private jet to Paris. These eccentric, wealthy people claim to be distant relatives, and their villa in Paris, the ballgowns—and the amazingly attractive young men they call knights—are all too much fun for Avery to care how peculiar they are.

But then she discovers that these same people who can shut down the Prada store on the Champs Elysees for their own private use can order the bombing of a nation’s capital and not think twice about it.

This group, the Elite, aren’t just a family. They are a very powerful society of twelve families who have secretly ruled the world for centuries, and Avery is their missing heir, meant to fulfill a prophecy that might plunge the world into World War 3.

Both horrified by the existence of the Elite and oddly drawn to her impossible new status as one of them, the last thing Avery should be doing is falling for one of their exasperatingly intriguing young knights—let alone two of them. But beautiful, volatile Stellan makes her feel alive, while Jack’s protective arms feel like the home she’s never had.

Jack and Stellan, however, both have secrets of their own. Now, not only does Avery have to stop the Elite from carrying out their plan before it’s too late—she has to choose between the boy who might help her save the world and the one she’s falling in love with.

My 80,000 word young adult novel, THE ELITE, is meant as the first in a trilogy but can stand alone. I believe it could be a good fit for your list because (why this specific agent might like my book). I am a freelance writer and former events and marketing coordinator at an independent bookstore. This is my first novel.

Thank you for your consideration.

Maggie Hall


Leave your comments below, and be sure to keep your eyes peeled for more queries!  Everyday for the next two weeks, I’ll be posting another query, and it’s up to YOU all to help each other.  Thanks, friends and fellow writers!!